Closet Monsters
by Tori Yuki Ichimura
Summary: When life hands you lemons... you grab them, run into your dorm, lock the door, and giggle over them for hours. Okay, so it's a lime...


**7 Minutes In Hell, er, Heaven**

            "I'm booooooored!" groaned Duo as he hung upside-down from the couch. Heero slanted him a look and toppled the braided boy with a well-placed smack. Duet walked in just in time to see him do this however and frowned.

            "Heero, you don't get any tonight!" she yelled, dusting her hands on her dirty apron. The perfect soldier pouted and attempted puppy-dog eyes, but failed miserably and ended up deathglaring the girl. Duo laughed and Duet whapped him with a batter-covered spoon and stalked back into the kitchen.

            "She certainly helps keep the peace…" Trowa observed. The group of boys, minus Wu Fei who was, er, "helping" Duet, sat around the living room, bored out of their skulls. Quatre looked up from his needlepoint and smiled cheerfully.

            "Oh, stop grinning like a moron! You're only happy because you never get deprived!" Heero snapped, taking out his frustration on the Arab.

            "What do you mean?" the blond boy asked, setting his sewing down.

            "You know exactly what I mean! You get her every night, don't you? All because you're always so good!"

            "Really, Heero, I don't know what you're talking about…"

            Heero's face twisted into a look of confusion and Trowa suppressed a laugh.

            "You mean you've never… done it with Duet?" Duo whispered, afraid she might hear.

            "No! Of course not!" Quatre was taken aback. "Why, I don't even like wo-"

            "Hey, Duet!" Duo and Heero chorused, cutting the Arab's sentence short.

            The braided girl poked her head around the doorway, the batter spoon still in her mouth. 

            "Duet, you've never been with Quatre?" Duo frowned, a little miffed that she'd been neglecting his friend.

            "Come to think of it…" she mused. Suddenly, her face disappeared again and a loud SMACK! was heard. "Wu Fei! I said no more! Save some for the cupcakes. You can put the icing on, okay!?"

            "…"

            "I'm sorry… What were we talking about?" The pilot of the Washi Ookami walked back into the living room and pulled the apron off over her head, giving all watching a short glimpse of her bare stomach.

            Wu Fei followed after her, licking butter cream icing off his fingers. "I helped make cupcakes!" he smiled proudly, face smeared with chocolate.

            "You've never even fooled around?" Heero asked and the entire company blinked.

            "…who were you directing that question at, Yuy?" the Chinese boy quizzed, sucking the last of the confection off his hand. Quatre merely blushed.

            "ALRIGHT THEN!" Duo yelled, a huge grin plastered on his face. "I vote we play a game!"

            "…?"

            "Ever play 'Seven Minutes in Heaven'?" he continued. 

            "No…" the others replied, exchanging looks.

            "Okay, what you do is…"

**~*~Ten Minutes Later~*~**

            "Guys! This really isn't fair!" Duet protested as the five boys shoved her into a walk-in closet and slammed the door shut.

            "Now that we're rid of her for a moment, there's something I need to ask you, Quatre," Heero frowned.

            "What is it, Heero?" the blond asked, fixing the Perfect Soldier with another innocent smile.

            "You've never done it with Duet?"

            "I did not have sexual relations with Duet. Is that what you're asking?"

            "We're changing it to twenty minutes in Heaven," Duo decided, crossing his arms.

            "Guys? Guys, I'm still in here… Just because you closed the door doesn't mean I can't hear you… Guys?" came the braided girl's muffled voice from the closet. Heero cracked the door open for a moment and whispered something to her, and the complaints quickly stopped.

            "Alright, Quatre. Go for it!" With that, Heero flung open the door and Wu Fei and Duo pushed the blond inside, locking it after him. Trowa only stood by, giggling.

**~*~Inside The Closet~*~**

            "Du-chan…?" Quatre called, stumbling around in the dark. Suddenly, he felt something soft. "Is that you, Du?"

            "Well, it's part of me…" a bemused pilot replied as Quatre felt around. He was thankful she couldn't see him blushing.

            "Do you know what to do?" she asked, taking his hand in hers.

            "W-with you? N-no…" Quatre felt Duet let go of his hand. His vest slipped off his shoulders and she began unbuttoning the front of his shirt.

            "You can touch me, Quatre…" 

            With shaking hands, he felt for buttons but remembered the shirt she was wearing. His hands went to her sides and there untied the laces, pulling each stitch from its tiny loop hole. It fell off in two pieces, but then he met with an even more challenging test. Her bra.

            "N-now what?" he mumbled.

            "Has Duo taught you nothing?" she sighed and moved closer as if to embrace him. "They're hooks. Just un-hook them…"

            Quatre did as he was told and the small piece of clothing fell away. The girl he now held in his arms was different from the one he had seen so many times. The embrace was different from any other she had ever given him.

            When they broke apart, his shirt fell from his back. Now, Quatre had an idea what to do and decided he would like to know how it felt to be the seme in a relationship.

            Taking the smaller pilot by the hips, he kissed her, forcing his tongue between her lips. She tasted sweet, he decided. Eventually, his kisses trailed to her shoulder. Now, they were on the floor of the closet. He couldn't see anything, but he knew what to do. He was confident.

            "Is this what you wanted…?" he growled, nipping her neck. 

            Duet relaxed. She didn't like being the seme… Too much responsibility. So she was happy to hand the reigns over to Quatre. Happier still when he became more aggressive.

            His touch was no longer gentle and his kisses no longer feather light. He was possessive. One hand grasped her shoulder while the other held her waist. He was lying on her, kissing her. Again, his tongue found its way between her lips.

            Duet was used to the sensations by now, but that didn't mean she didn't enjoy them. She had been with… all the pilots. Each was different. Heero was very possessive and serious about his work, but still gentle. Duo was eager but very sensitive and knew exactly what to do. Wu Fei was quite a character. Since his wife was very strong-willed, he assumed she was too and more often than not would tie her wrists or try to pin her down, not that she minded. Trowa was very… shy, like he didn't know what he was doing but he was still willing to learn.

            As his kisses grew lower, she smiled. She would have to try this more often…

**~*~In The Living Room~*~**

            "They've been in there quite a while…" Heero frowned, looking up the steps into Duet's room where the closet was.

            At that moment, Trowa could hold it in no longer. He burst out laughing and wiped little tears from his eyes. "T-there's something I-I have to tell you… HEHEHE!"

            The others fixed him with questioning looks.

            "And what would that be…?" Wu Fei asked.

            "Q-Quatre is… GAY!"

            "WHAT!?"

            "I-I thought you knew…" the banged boy finished laughing. He was breathing rather hard and still pawing at his face.

            "How do you know he's gay!?" Duo cried.

            "Because I am too! We're a couple, Duo."

            "But… you sleep with Duet!"

            "Just to see what its like…"

            The three pilots facefaulted, Wu Fei with blood gushing from his nose.

            "We better go rescue him then, ne?"

**~*~Back In The Closet~*~**

            The two pilots lay still on the carpet, the only movement their chests heaving up and down. Duet was curled in Quatre's arms, nuzzling his neck, while the blond boy ran his fingers slowly through her hair.

            "…and I thought Trowa was good…" he mused and Duet looked up.

            "What do you mean?"

            With a sudden BAM! the closet door flew open and light flooded the tiny space. There was a lot of cursing and yelling and at least one nosebleed, but when the dust settled, the pair had managed to cover themselves with clothes they'd discarded earlier.

            "WHAT WAS THAT!?" Duet cried, winging a shoe at Duo's head. The four merely stood there, blinking in astonishment.

            Then, Heero turned to Trowa. "I thought you said he was gay?"

            "Maybe he's bi…"

            "AND MAYBE HE'S A CLOSET MONSTER!" the braided boy interjected and laughed unnecessarily loud.

**~*~OWARI~*~**

**Tori:** Sumimasen, but I was working on a lemon doujinshi this week.

**Kegawa:** That's no excuse for your horrible story…

**Tori:** *ignoring Ke* I need more business… *peers into empty wallet*

**Ke: **You know no one wants to read Duet stories and yet you continue to write them!

**Tori: ***idea light bulb*

**Ke:** I mean, yeah she's cool and fun to be around, but people want to see themselves with the pilots, not some glorified playboy bunny!

**Tori: ***discretely hangs sign in window that says 'Talking Ferret/ Muse 4 Sale'*

**Ke:** *suspicious* …Tori?

**Author's Notes**

**Seme-** The dominant on in a relationship (on top). The opposite would be the uke, or submissive (on bottom)

**Closet Monster-** *giggle* Stanton knows… In fact, I think I'll dedicate this fic to Sean, a friend of ours… *snicker* Tarot Cards serve so many purposes… A "closet monster" is, of course, someone who won't come out of the sexual "closet" a.k.a. not openly gay or straight. It was a wonderful little pun for my sweet Quatre. Wait, no it wasn't… *scowl* If only I wasn't so self-loathing… I could have just made it a Self Insertion fic and dumped Duet off on Relena and Dorothy. Now wouldn't those three make a cute trio? 

**Tori: **I was suddenly struck with a sudden realization!

**Ke:** Dare I ask?

**Tori:** You probably shouldn't have but… Okay, here it is…

Hilde loves Duet. Dorothy loves Relena. Duet and Relena love each other. The two left out scheme to break them apart, but fall in love with each other in the process and…

**Ke:** *smacks Tori upside the head* STOP IT!

**Tori: **…and then Noin could possibly hook up with Sally and Une…

**Ke:** *phones Tori's boss and demands that he stop sending Tori yuri to translate*

**Tori: **Well, I hope you're happy. There goes ANY chance I had at making money THIS MONTH!

**Ke:** It was for your own good.

**Tori: **Oh yeah!? Well, if people tell me they like my new idea, I'll write it! OKAY!?

**Ke: **…crap…

**Tori: **Because I was just kidding about it before…

**Ke: **…double crap…


End file.
